he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
