did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
