Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
