How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize