So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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