So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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