I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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