you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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