her vagina looked like bernie madoff
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
ugly people sure do ruin things
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
