i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize