Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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