And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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