his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
