we're chasing vodka with high fives
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
