I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
