Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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