i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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