dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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