if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
