And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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