He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
