he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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