You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
