dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize