Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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