i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
