All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he fucked my hip out of place.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
