Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize