its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She told me I should be a condom model.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
