He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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