Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
