booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
