Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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