i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
