Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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