woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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