hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
