your thong is hanging out like whoa
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
