omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
