sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
