had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
