Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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