We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
