Taylor Swift is so right about you.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
