She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
