I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
