Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
