Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
