don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
