I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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