How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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