that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
