nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
