Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
