insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
