Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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