well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Bring me that man meat
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
