I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
