that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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