I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
