WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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