just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
