I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
handjob tips. give me some.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
