So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
