The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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