Hey man sorry I got all grabby
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
