with your own penis?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
