This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
