Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
