Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
