someone threw a dead crab at me
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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