if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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