OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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