dude i'm inner monologue high
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize