She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
