Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
