How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
