So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
