a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
